Thursday, May 25, 2006
Clever Sayings?
1)There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
2)Why is abbreviation such a long word?
3)Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
4). . . every morning is the dawn of a new error.
5)For people who like piece and quiet . . . a phoneless cord!
6)I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
7)Mental Floss prevents moral decay!
8)Madness takes aits toll. Please have exact change ready.
9)Be nice to your kids . . . they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home.
10)Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
11)There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
12)I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
13)Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?
14)A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
15)I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
16)Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.
17)If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
18)Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" . . . 'till you can find a rock!
19)Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
20)If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
21)If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
22)It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
23)Help Wanted: Telepath . . . you know where to apply.
24)Mechanic's slogan: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
25)Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
26)Dain bramaged.
27)Department of Redundancy Department.
28)Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
29)What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
10:31 PM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.A guy goes into the bar and sits down and orders a drink. Other than the bartender, there's no one else in the place. All of a sudden he hears a voice that says, "Nice suit." He looks around and doesn't see anyone and the bartender looks busy washing some glasses. A little while later the same voice says, "Nice Tie." The guy looks around again and doesn't see anyone. He finally asks the bartender if he just said something.
"No," replied the bartender, "it wasn't me. It was probably the peanuts though. They're complimentary."
Yes BD tomorrow... com laggin. oh well gd nitez then...
Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.
10:57 PM
Now why is it you always find the Keys in the last place you look? A drunk man walks into a bar. He asks the barkeeper for some beer. The barkeeper hands him the beer. The man drinks it and spits it out in an instant shouting," What the crap is this....?!!!!"
He then procceeds to hurl all the glasses off the table and then whips out a 10 inch knife and asks the barkeeper to meet him at the back. He then storms out.
The barkeeper slowly and calmly walks out of the bar much to everyone astonishment. He returns 5 mins later to everyone's surprise, muttering " What an idiot, brings a knife to a gun fight..."
We have a tchr called Mrs Mary Lee. She has a son called Faith Lee. So we were like "Madem, Madem, change your child"s name to Faithful", she was like " WHY". An we were like so its "Faithful Lee..."
Ha man today was like no SCHOOL, so fun did nothing at all xcept sleep, swim, go trainin and like watch movie. Watched over the hedge, it was like reali funny and lame. Too bad had to go for trainin could not stay back to play with Mr.FSP our lit tchr.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
10:39 PM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
too tired to blog...
BYE
P.S im thinking of another joke right now, so dont pester me ok...
11:05 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was
difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following
day.
The husband checked
into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and
without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's
son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
10:26 PM
Oh man, results were released today, did quite okay i guess... very careless could haf gotten like 40 marks more overall... man tt sure reali sucks. Yes topped the class in Geog and History. But then the other subjects did quite averagely.
Yesterday, there was like trainin. It was kinda different, trainin was in Kallang. We dragonboated like for 6 to 7 km, it was like damn tirin but fun i guess. First half was like in the 12 man boat while second half was in the 24 man boat with the sec 1s. It was damn tirin cause like the sec 1s were slackin, their strokes were all off and they were not pullin their weight so we the xperienced sec 2 had to do their work. Now my hand and back ache cause of them. An yes we beat the sec 3 and 4 and yr 5 in dragonboatin sprint but then again it was hard as we were in a 24 man crew boat while they were in a 12 man crew boat.
Today was like very tirin after school went to prefect training workshop. It was fun but then the first part was like the tokin part veri borin i fell asleep for like a 10secs at one time an then jerk back awake. Happened alot of times damn embarressin... i think on Monday im gonna bring coffeee so i dun fall asleep. lolz
oh well gonna sleep soon tmrw got trainin.
CHOW
10:07 PM
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Too tired after training cant be bothered too type stuff. Just a HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out to MARCUS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
10:31 PM
Sunday, May 14, 2006
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either.
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. 61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
9:15 PM
Saturday, May 13, 2006
oh man so bored, today had training again... my whole body is like sore now. We ran like the same as yesterday same sets too. but todae took K doubles wif Zack, it was shit lah we rowed like 12km. it was like super tiring and like my arms ached like hell...!!! Zack's stroke was like all screwed up he wasnt doin anything so i was like the one doing all the work, pushin the boat... it was like so irritatin and like tiring and like just crap... Ended up with like blisters on my hand an like abrasion on my shoulders... an my butt like cramped up. But cliff and shen jian did not even get out of tt small pond... dunno y K1 is like quite easi wat...
Ha the same thing happened todae but lucki onli for the last part in like the sprints and stuff. We both slid off our seats while sprintin, me to the left, zack to the right, veri funi but scari too. OMG joshua lim and BP an the b div guys r like super duper fast, they lapped us...by like 2 km... but then again we beat Adrain and Hadrain an IT IS the first time we use this boat
An later we like went to JW parti it was like soo fun. Hes dad is like the GM of Singapore Discovery Centre and we like went to there to play for his parti. It rawked. at first we like played paintball. We the blackies won, we owned in the team-based games lol. Cuz an I are like the perfect leap-froggers. it was like capture the flag and like we had a strategy. JW was like the one on the tower in our base providin cover fire like a sniper and like recon tellin us where were the flags and the other group- how they moved. TimLim was like our capture the flag guy, he did not carry his gun to carry less weight so he could run faster, he was the one who snatched the flag. MC and I provided covering fire for him it was so fun.
We were like"GOGOGO" then charged. JW shouted at us where enemies were an we RAN like siao. TIMLIM was like a streak of lightning he ran forward and snatched to flag and immediately ran back. MC and i were like firing non-stop covering his back... it was soo fun and like hyper. Then the marshals shouted at MC- there was like a flag in front of him, hidden so he ran forward and grabbed it. i didnt know an did not realised why he was running in front and just charged an followed him to cover his back .Then saw the flag in his hand and started shootin non-stop at the other team who by now was like surroundin him. This was like the fun part it was like MC and me against other 4 ppl... outnumbered 2 to 1. It was like soo cool what we did. We LEAP-FROGGED BACKWARDS ( yes backwards, ppl normally do that forwards), i covered him "powpowpow" (the guns used gas catridges and were REALI loud and heavi) at them and he ran back, an then I run back a short distance while he shoots at them, then i shoot he runs, an then he shoots i run, like this we took turns providin coverin fire while the other ran back it was reali cool. We did this all the way back to our base.
In the end we like shot all of them but JL for some reason didnt realised that he was technicali DEAD in the game rules. M and I shot him like ten times or something but he was wearin reali thick clothes and like went later "oh... reali i was hit... oh i didnt know..." ha it was soo fun. but andrew is like a super sharp-shooter in the balloon shootin part he like shot everything... guess cause hes like super strong and wif steadi hands cause he is like a bowler can keep the gun from recoiling... tts was like the best part. ha Josh it was a reali nice parti thnk yr mom and dad lolz. Oh man liverpool is losin 2.3 to WH gotta go watch the match now
BYE friends (paintball roxs)
10:57 PM
Friday, May 12, 2006
People can be so retarded sometimes...
One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.
She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.
His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'.
9:05 PM
Had training today.. we ran like wat 6km or smething i think... wif pushups in between sets. Man felt so tired like wanted to faint or smething, my stamina has dropped has dropped even though i swam like what everyday.
And today I tried a new boat, local raptor, a kayak.It was soo freaky and scary and the K kept on sliding from side to side... super duper unstable, capsized like 4 times got owned by the boat... OMG was so feaky lost like 10 yrs of my life over the few hours in that boat. Remember once the Kayak slide out to the left an i ended up sittin on the edge of the boat, with the right leg stickin out to balance myself, the left in the boat,one hand holdin a paddle and the other like free... balacing too it was freakin scary an funny at the same time, Zack was like laughing at me when i asked him,"Zackery, get over here an help slide me back in... im sitting out on the edge...". Instead he saw me and started laughing... What a great friend... Tomorrow im gonna use a sponge so this doesnt happen again..
Eventually managed to slide myself back in without his help. ha exams are like over an life has become boring again... dun wanna go to school next week just want to stay at home and SLEEP. Anyway goin for training is funner than stayer at home... just hope that we are not running tmrw... taking K2 with Zack anyway... better, not so scary.
Watched Posiedon with friends todea and it was like soo scary i think i tt haf got a permenant fear of cruises now... if i do go i'll be sure to bring:
1)scuba tank
2)screwdriver
3)explosives
4)flare gun
an memorize the blueprints of the ship,it was soo freaky every1 was like dead an the dead ppl look so real... all the blood and stuff
8:13 PM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Ha studying life sciences, its like the last paper due tmrw. Life science is soo boring an like damn chimonology cant understand a thing. Whats up wif this subject... not like it will help us anyway... im am so not growing up to become a garderner or a scientist... next year im guranteed NOT to choose BIO...
Man im gettin a goggles mark on my face looks weird...(too much swimming i guess) an today my doggy got pins and needles... he like couldnt move his leg for like 10 mins as so worried an scared... wheeww he recovered...
need to go back to studying... envy those tt finish their exams already...
I LOST ANOTHER TWO KGS(WONDER WHY DAMN THIN NOW 49kg, 1.66m tall)
SWIMMING LOSES WEIGHT BUT SAPS YOUR ENERGY(to all the fat people out there esp JW)
9:49 PM
Friday, May 05, 2006
Yay got my competition fotos today. a friend sent it to me, look funny in it though. Here is 1 of them. Ha today school was like so slack. Most of the day was free period given by the gracious teacher for us to studi, so like school was like super revision.
We were like up to our usual antics, making jokes in the classroom an like laughing an laughing. OMG todae Mr Terance Ng threw a TABLE at CHESTER. tts like so super bad, Chester was like crying outside the class. Think he pissed Mr Ng off real badly. Oops have to return to studying...
9:36 PM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Lotsa work these few days... totally swamped with stuff to do. Cant reali revise like this, wats up wif teachers? give so much work we need to revise u know... im like sleeping later an later cause of this. But i guess exams are like next week so it will last a short time only.
Haha my mum called me crazy todae. Cause im like taking up
1)28 or 23km (dunno) Kayaking marathon
2)5km long distance swim test
3)Gold Star (need to swim 30laps in long pyjamus an t-shirt... damn tiring)
4)Lifesavers course (after Gold Star... i get to kiss some dummies!!!)
An like today kept on sneezing dunno maybe some1 is toking bout me dun kw=) The most embarrassing thing happened todae, my contact lens was dry(i wear onli 1 side, got lazi eyes) an was like blinking my right eye and i think it was like i was winking... Guess wat, there was a group of fairfield gals directly in my line of vision. They thought i was winking at THEM an started toking, laughing an gigling at me...( not tt i wanted to... was busi puking). Wat a sua day...
11:52 PM
Monday, May 01, 2006
I just got reminded of the language my class invented when i read something on the net. My class invented this to like remember our Com Studies teacher Mr Logan. Who is a fabulous teacher but talks in a funny way.( Sir we are not making fun of u just trying to remember u)
It goes like this
(Shake yr head as you read at the same time...)
1)Yei-ti is imp-io-tan
IT is important
2)Na-h Yei-ti Na-h va-rg
No IT no work
3)vun-two-yite mb
128 mb
4)mol-i-cue
mol-e-cule
5)in-puttt
input
6)ouc-t-putte
output
7)com-piu-ta
computer
Its just playing around with the words. Sorry if I offend anyone. No puns intended. Just tell me and i will take these down.
I am not a racist and this is not racism. Im just bored:)
6:31 PM
Past tense of bore.
Studied the whole day again, bored to death... need someone to talk to on MSN. Now is my break and got nothing to do so go Bloggin...!!!
oh man our tennis team got like silver in the nats. Lost to RI, but nvm tts gd man cause RI got like so many pro players. Went for the cheering session and like cheered my voice and lungs out for our team (esp Marcus, u rawk in tennis man). HAHA it was sure funny. The tennis guys were like "eat pork Abinaf" (no racisim or pun intended, just a joke to relieve the atmosphere) and like when we scored a point like "this shows that Jesus is better than Prohet Mohammund (again no racism or pun intended, im not racist).
After that the "eat pork" evolved to "eat mutton" and then " eat chicken"(just a joke,dun get worked up indians and malays) but i suppose chicken is okay for Muslims. Man overall, it was like a damn close match onli Justin and Ben Koh match we owned... the others were very close. The final score was like 3.2 but then good job guys esp Marcus and Brian Koh, u guys kick butt. Lolz.
Good luck for yr match today Lyn, dun ask how i know lolz.
Man studying for Exams suck.
OUR TENNIS TEAM RULZ THE WORLD (im not racist)
4:59 PM
